7 ways to fight FAIR..
1.Don't hold back communication. You should
always feel free to express an upset or talk about
something you feel is wrong. Remember, it isn't
WHAT you say it's HOW you say it!
2.Make sure you have enough time to actually
hash out your differences. If you try to stop your
partner on his way to work, or you call her on your
lunch break, chances are you're going to be left
feeling dissatisfied and unacknowledged due to a
lack of time. If necessary, agree upon a future time
to discuss the matter at hand. Being considerate
of your partner's time contributes to the amount of
courtesy your partner will show when faced with
your discussion.
3.Don't assume anything! It is not possible to know
exactly what is going on, unless you actually hear
it from your partner's perspective. Don't try to
figure
out what they're thinking, just ask. It can save you
a lot of grief and avoid HUGE misconceptions by
taking the time to just talk it over.
4.Don't bring the past into a current discussion. If
you actually want a problem resolved you have to
make your partner feel like they can actually
resolve it. When you bring up the past you are
communicating to them, that no matter what
changes or efforts they given to improve the
condition, you will still hold them accountable for
past actions. Where's the motivation for
improvement there?
5.If something is your fault, say you're sorry! Don't
hold out and try to redirect the blame to something
or someone else. If you broke a promise, said
something you wished you didn't or did something
you'd rather not confess to, it's up to you to make
amends. Not only will YOU feel better about your
ability to come clean, but your partner will learn to
trust you more knowing you're willing to accept
responsibility.
6.Take a timeout before things get too heated. If
you feel your anger level rising, take a 15 minute
timeout to gain a new perspective. Take a walk,
listen to some music or do some housecleaning to
help dissipate your ire.
7.Don't fight in front of friends or family. You
automatically put the other person on guard when
you enter into a major disagreement in front of
others. In addition, instead of the disagreement
staying a personal matter, which it should be, it
now becomes open to other input. Trust me; you
do not want anyone else adding in their two cents,
even if it's in support of your feelings. Think
about it
from your partner's shoes. Would you actually give
an open and honest discussion if you felt you were
up against an army? Agree that you will both talk
about what happened away from prying eyes and
ears.
"The next time you want to see eye to eye, try
using your ears."
